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If you have received e-mail from me, or come across my name somewhere, you may be wondering, “Who is this W.F. Zimmerman character, anyway? What’s his full name? What am I supposed to call him?” (Other than “hey, you!” or “idiot!”) Believe me, I have struggled with this question over the years.

Aside: if you want to know who I am as a person, you can start by reading this blog … but be warned, it gives only a rather pointillist view of some of my perspectives on things as they relate (often only tangentially) to publishing. (And I may not even agree with myself any more! I’m blessed and cursed with the ability to see all sides of an issue.) Remember that there’s a lot of important stuff that’s not here at all, and that you can only learn so much about a person from reading.

My full name is William Frederick Zimmerman. But even that comes with an asterisk … by some theories of inheritance, I could also be called “William Frederick Zimmerman V” or “William Zimmerman II” or “William Zimmerman, Jr.”

My grandfather was William Frederick Zimmerman III, named after his father and his grandfather. According to family historians, he was the thirteenth William Frederick Zimmerman in line of direct descent, in honor of the famous Prussian kings named Frederick William Zimmerman.

(It only occurred to me recently to wonder why the devil the parents of the first William Frederick Zimmerman reversed the names and called him William Frederick instead of Frederick William. It’s like naming a kid born this year “Hussein Barack.” Makes no sense, unless there’s some subtle nuance of German culture that I’m missing. Maybe it was considered uncool to use the King’s name exactly? Let me know if you find out.)

Anyhoo, when my father was born, the story is that my grandfather intended to name him William Frederick Zimmerman, which would have made him IV. Unfortunately, he left the “Frederick” off the birth certificate, so my dad’s official name is “William Zimmerman IV” (no middle initial, as they say in the Army).

Yes, his birth certificate says “IV” even though his name is not identical to the preceding “William Frederick Zimmerman III.” Over the years this has led to some comical junk mail addressed to “Dear Mr. IV.”

Now, when I was born, they christened me William Frederick Zimmerman, but didn’t add a Roman numeral afterwards.

If they had opted to give me a Roman numeral, it would have been either “IV” (with numeral rotation) or “V” (without). Numeral rotation means that when William Zimmerman I died, his son (my great-grandfather), would have become “I” or “Sr.”, and all the successors (including my Dad, “IV”) should have gone up one level. With rotation, I would have become “IV,” promoting my Dad to “III”, which is what my grandfather called himself. It’s easy to see why they opted not to rotate the numerals.

So, if I had been given a Roman numeral, without numeral rotation, I would have been “V,” opening up a variety of interesting nick-name possibilities: “Cinq” (as in “Trey” for three) or “Fiver,” perhaps.

Just to make things more complicated, my dad and his father were both known as “Bill”. In the family, my grandfather was called “Big Bill” and my dad was “Little Bill.”

Mercifully, my parents decided to avoid calling me “Baby Bill,” so my family, and almost everyone else, has always called me “Fred,” although a few friends have come up with “Freddie” (shades of P.G. Wodehouse!) and even “Derf.” At one point in my 20’s, I made a short-lived effort to get people to call me “Fritz”, but it floundered about as badly as George Costanza’s campaign to get everyone to call him “T-Bone.”

Now, once my grandfather passed, my dad became the senior living William Zimmerman, so at that point he could have dropped the “IV” entirely and I could have started referring to myself as “II” or “Jr.” But for some reason he has always been completely unreceptive to the idea of me getting a Roman numeral (even though he has made considerable use of his through most of his lifetime). I have no desire to be known as “Deuce” or “Jr.” so I’ve let it lay.

There is one further complication, which is that my byline for publication has been both “Frederick Zimmerman” (1982 – 2003) and “W. Frederick Zimmerman” (since then). I added the “W” because there quite a few “Frederick Zimmermans,” “William Zimmermans,” and even “William Frederick Zimmermans” out there, especially in the German-settled American Midwest, where I live.

At this point, having laid out all the detail, I am thinking “this is completely insane.” But it’s all true!

Bottom line: call me Fred.

P.S. When I was unexpectedly presented with a son in 1999 (the ultrasounds had indicated it was a girl, and we only found out otherwise when he was born!), my wife let me choose the name, and at first I said “William Frederick Zimmerman.” After a moment’s thought, I remembered all the above, and said, “No. Let’s call him Parker William Zimmerman.” And that’s the rest of the story.